"Please let me have a girl, I don't care what I have to go through, just give me a girl"
My exact prayer to God.
I was thinking morning sickness, but He had something else in mind.
I was 17 weeks the day my husband woke me for morning prayers.
I shot up in bed, my clothes were soaked! I thought I had peed on myself, but there was no smell. Actually there was no smell at all, which I thought was weird.
I called the doctor's office, I was told to go straight to the emergency room and that a doctor would meet me there. Once I got there, she took out a little testing strip, did a little swipe and confirmed something that hadn't even crossed my mind,
my water had broken!
At 17 weeks, only four months pregnant, my water had broken!
She looked me straight in the eyes and told me "once a women's water breaks her body will naturally go into labor, this baby if born alive, will not be viable. I'm giving it a 2% chance of survival."
Her exact words.
I sat on the exam table with only a sheet covering me.
I think I was more shocked at how harsh she was with delivering the news than the news itself.
I remember the tears rolling down my face.
I looked over at my husband, speechless, I didn't know what to say, or do.
My husband began half hazard preparations to bury a child that wasn't even born or dead yet.
I was kept in the hospital under observation. Nurses kept coming in and out of my room telling me, that at any moment I would start feeling labor pains.
They never came.
Everyday I would get an ultrasound to check my water levels, they were low, lower than what they should be. I was told that because there wasn't enough water around the baby, it could be born with brain damage, joints wouldn't be formed properly, club feet, and the list went on.
After three days I was told that they weren't sure why nothing was happening.
My doctor's exact words were "this is really strange, you should be going into labor now."
My body was defying everything she had learned in medical school and was choosing to hold onto the miracle that was growing inside. I was finally allowed to go home on the strictest form of bed rest. I was home for a week when, my water broke again. If you're wondering how that happens, your body naturally replenishes the water, so my levels were constantly fluctuating.
Back to the hospital I went.
This time for sure you will start having labor pains the doctors told me.
They never came.
At this point the doctor told me that, she's going against protocol and is sending me back home.
Only because I had a two year old who was missing his mama very much. I was told that if my water were to break again, I would end up in the hospital until my due date.
Strictest bed rest again,
plus an at home nurse that would come everyday to monitor the baby's heart beat.
I didn't even finish up the week.
I called my husband in tears, I didn't want to go back to the hospital, I didn't want to leave my son. My doctor told me to pack a bag, say good bye and be prepared for the long haul.
It was a sunny and cloudless afternoon in July, the sky was a piercing blue.
My due date was in November.
I settled into my hospital room and my family quickly began to make it feel more like home.
I became some sort of freak show side act at the circus.
Nurses and doctors came into my room everyday to hear my story and examine me.
Thinking they could figure out my problem and the reason my body refused to follow natures course. They had never heard of a woman's water breaking and not laboring. There are incidents where labor starts and needs to be stopped. But no labor at all was unheard of.
With each of my children we chose not to find out the gender.
This was no different.
Especially if the baby didn't survive I didn't want to know what it was.
My nurse encouraged me to find out the gender, in the hopes that it would lift my spirits. When I went in for my daily ultrasound I usually looked away from the screen, I didn't want to get attached, more than I already was.
This time I told him I wanted to know.
Needless to say my tears became unstoppable when he said,
"she's a fighter."
And I knew at that very moment that prayers are always answered.
I sat in my hospital room, day in and day out for two months and three weeks.
Never really knowing the outcome.
Every day that passed was a blessing.
The closer we could get to 32 weeks the better off the baby would be.
On Friday at 36 weeks I had another big water break.
"This time for sure you'll go into labor" all the doctors and nurses said.
Friday afternoon I was given my 4th dose of steroids in hopes of helping the baby's lungs develop and by the evening I was being prepared for a c-section that would take place the following day.
My doctor came into my room the next morning and was surprised once again to hear that I wasn't laboring. She decided that we would wait over the weekend to see if anything happened and by Monday, labor or no labor the baby was coming out.
If you've been reading up till now, you won't be surprised to hear that there was
absolutely no laboring over the weekend.
Not only was this girl a fighter she was stubborn!
Monday morning rolled in and the doctor informed me that she was willing to let me try to deliver naturally, but if 8 hours passed and nothing had happened, it would have to be a c-section.
Since my water was already broken, I was given an epidural and pumped with pitocin.
Not the ideal situation, but whatch ya gonna do.
Exactly thirty minutes before the 8 hour mark,
Serene made her entrance into the world.
The room was filled with 2 doctors, 2 delivery nurses, 4 neonatal nurses, my mom and the husband!
The room burst into tears and applause when we all realized Serene was breathing on her own.
Weighing in at only 3lbs she was a tiny little thing, but proved to be strong as ever.
This weekend my baby turns 10!
It's hard to imagine how much time has passed since those uncertain days.
She has proven very well to be a fighter as well as obnoxiously stubborn.
Both things that drive me a bit crazy,
but that I'm forever thankful for.